Will the real Divine Masculine, please stand up?

My reputation as a former man-hater (labeled by the internet, not something I ever identified with) will make many people brush this article off and it'll make them think that I'm just here to write about how much I think modern men are failing us as a society. I know, I'm probably the last person the internet expects to write about the divine masculine.

Spend five minutes online and you'll find thousands of self-proclaimed 'divine masculine' coaches. They promise dominance, status, conquest and emotional detachment. As someone who has spent years studying Hindu philosophy, I couldn't help wondering: have any of these people actually looked at Shiva? or even Vishnu perhaps? What makes a man, the perfect man?

The Misunderstanding

I truly believe it's modern society and the way certain privileged men speak about the world that's failing men. Apparently, if you can deadlift your body weight, quote Stoicism out of context, and call yourself an alpha, congratulations—you've ascended into the divine masculine.

Except... according to whom?

The way some privileged men talk to other men about 'masculinity' is terrifying because they rarely embody it and often rely upon external status-based objects (beautiful women being one of the objects) to affirm to themselves that they're truly men. While the conquest based mentality feels energizing and fuels one's ego in some way, if your entire identity depends on winning; you've already lost. Because eventually you'll discover that being admired, feared and desired for status is not the same thing as being loved.

And the only thing we want, is to be loved, to be seen for what's in our hearts without the flashy accessories.

The tragedy with the current manosphere is that you build all of these things in your life that supposedly make you a man, you might even find someone with a low self-esteem and poor life circumstances to attach to you as well. But love is not something that can be earned.

Women too are sold similar lies where if you optimize your appearance and become submissive enough, a 'real' divine feminine as they say, you'll find a 'real' divine masculine.

Even the softest forms of the divine feminine are still on top of their divine masculine.

Shivah Shaktya yukto yadi bhavati Shaktah prabhavitum

Na chedevam devo na khalu kushalah spanditumapi |

Atah tvam aradhyam Hari-Hara-Virinchadibhir api

Pranantum stotum vaa katham akrita-punyah prabhavati ||

-- Saundarya Lahiri, Shloka 1

Every few years, we invent a new slogan. 'Men are the problem.' 'Women are the problem.' 'Decenter men.' 'Decenter women.' But how exactly do you decenter half of humanity? We are born through relationship. We are raised through relationship. We heal through relationship. Civilization itself is relational. A flourishing society depends on recognizing one another as full human beings.

Shiva is not Shiva without His Shakti and Shakti is not Shakti with Her Shiva, this does not mean that we have to support everything that the other gender is doing, even if it's adharmic and harming society but we also have to be rational beings and see who is benefitting from rousing you repeatedly into gender wars on social media platforms.

Being Shiva or Vishnu or worshipping any masculine deity does not mean you mock their Shakti. Thinking someone is smaller will not make you any bigger and when you view the other as an object, the world will view you as the same.

The Divine Masculine Ideal

A while ago, I posted that I loved Shiva so deeply that I already considered him my husband. Someone responded with a question that genuinely stayed with me: "Isn't it unfair to compare human beings to God? Isn't God an impossible standard?"

I found that fascinating. God is an impossible standard and that's kind of the point.

Nobody expects a human being to become Shiva overnight, just as nobody expects a human being to become Kali, Lalita, or Vishnu in the literal sense. We look toward the Divine because it represents the highest qualities, we can orient ourselves toward. God exists to remind us of the ideals we are supposed to embody. The beautiful, loving Krishna who would save Draupadi from being disrobed but also the angry Narsimha who is softened by just one look from His devotee. If we don't measure ourselves against wisdom, compassion, courage, and self-mastery, what do we measure ourselves against? Influencers? Men with a high body count? or the number of cars he has? Because these aspirations go rarely questioned.

Calling yourself divine comes with great responsibility too. A deity is not worshipped because they dominate others. A deity is revered because they embody qualities that sustain the world and help it evolve. No human is perfect and to expect that from either gender is falling prey to whatever force in this world that wants you to be lonely, isolated, insecure and to keep buying what they're selling.

When I look at Shiva and Shakti, I see a relationship built on reciprocity. I see immense power meeting immense power. Their union is meaningful because each reveals something the other alone cannot. If your version of masculinity requires belittling women, mocking kindness, fearing vulnerability, or treating compassion as weakness, ask yourself one question: Which deity taught you that?

(Sincerely, I do love men. I love everyone, it is my nature to do so and I wish for everyone to wake up to their own nature as love)