Svātmārāma- Rituals of self-seduction

Lady in toilet (1775)

It's been an interesting year for me, it was my year of conscious celibacy and indulgence in myself, my desires and discovering from the simplest to the most complex things I've liked. This is not just sexual in nature but also a way I re-routed my desires and my taste inclinations back to myself, to home. A lot of mine and many women's early years are so focused on trying to perform seduction and be someone else's idea of 'hot' and 'irresistible' (just look at everything in our social media, magazines and movies) that we forget to enjoy our bodies and see the beauty in just being with oneself without the need for this inner voyeur or inner critique to be scrutinizing our relishing of this precious vessel.

Hence, this guide is for all those regardless of gender (but since I'm a woman my experience is mostly leaning towards that of feminine jouissance) to seduce and fall deeper in love with the mysteries of the self.

Shringara and Adbhuta rasa

Shiva-Shakti in embrace, Khajuraho

In Kashmiri Shaivism, Shakti is described as Shringara rasa (eroticism, love and play) for She is the absolute beauty and loveliness that pervades the world. Shiva on the other hand, is the one who wears the Adbhuta rasa (wonder, amazement, mystery and curiousity) as a jewel on His forehead and rightly so because Shakti is able to taste this wonder for, She sees Shiva as the object of desire (which is what we call, moving inwards). Shiva on the other hand is able to create worlds through His Shakti because only She can multiply and fill things with nectar/rasa/attributes. It is also said that self-love in this particular sense then becomes a sensual and a sexual act because it not only derives pleasure from within but also extends it outwards to the world. When we truly embody the state of 'Svatmarama' we do not condemn the world for how it is and get sucked into patterns of self-pity. Instead, we embrace our inner softness, vulnerability and joy and use those as tools to create a life of beauty everywhere we go.

And the best part is, all of this does not cost a thing but requires paying deep attention to yourself as divine incarnate.

1. Snehan Abhyangam

   Since we're mainly working with svadhishtana chakra related things when it comes to self-seduction, the two main elements I really want to focus on are water and fire. Let's begin with fluids; the term rasa itself signifies something juicy, something that flows and nourishes and what better way to self-seduce than to give yourself an oil massage. In Sanskrit, the word 'sneha' can mean love and also oleation which is why it's so important to do a self-massage atleast once or twice a week (more if you can get into the habit of it) to remove any kind of physical or mental stagnation and bring back focus to the body. Something I love doing is playing really nice sensual jazz, lighting a candle in my bathroom and using olive oil with a few drops of jasmine or rose essential oil to massage myself. The darkness helps me move from self-examining my physical flaws to simply getting curious about my curves, my flesh, the bends and where the bones sit. It's a meditative practice on its own and helps you ground a lot. I find myself so refreshed and alive after doing this and it's simply one of the best practices to do during winters.

2. Sacraments

   Espresso and whiskey are the two main sacraments I work with (apart from the occasional cheeky cigarette) and drinking them on a regular basis has worked wonders for my creativity and expanding my inner world. You can experiment with non-addictive substances or any other sacraments (wine, cigars, vijaya etc.) if you feel called to it but I highly recommend doing all of this in small quantities in ritualistic manner. For example, spirits like whiskey and rum to me are like Maa Kali --cleansing, cooling and balancing the fats and sweets I consume on a daily basis. I maintain immaculate sleep hygiene, burn a fresh-smelling candle to stimulate my olfactory senses, anoint myself with oils (sesame or whatever my teacher has prescribed) and then sip and breathe in the whiskey very slowly to relish its taste. I take time to sip and understand its notes, how the taste changes according to my menstrual cycle and think of all that I desire. Not the 'how', 'why' and 'when' but simply allowing myself to sit in the throes of desire and getting curious about what it would feel like to have what I want.

3. Writing poetry and prose

   There is a kind of self-seduction that happens whenever we write. Poetry, prose, a half-finished note in our phone, it does not matter. Most of the time we cannot go straight to the heart of what we feel. We meander, circle around it. Choose one word, then another, and in that circling we begin to arouse ourselves into deeper awareness. Writing becomes a slow undressing of meaning. At every sentence I am a little more revealed to myself, a little more fascinated by the complexity of what I feel. I watch how an image lands, how a phrase exaggerates or softens the truth, and I adjust it until it feels honest and beautiful enough to hold my emotion. To me, I'm touching my mind, moving my fingers around the thoughts and trying to truly feel what it all means to me. Writing is not a chore or something that needs to be looked at in an academic sense strictly, I become everything; the one who speaks and the one who listens, the one who reveals and the one who is slowly falling in love. Writing poems especially has been a passion since I was little because I love the idea of fashioning my thoughts into tiny ornaments, I can keep going back to in order to relive a certain feeling. (Shameless plug: I wrote a free poetry zine at the end summer if you want to read it)

4. Decadent languishing

   

   Sleeping woman with a peacock by Léon François Comerre

   I loathe the term 'bed-rotting' so much because it takes the sensual act of laying in your bed or couch, tossing and turning and fantasizing and being dramatic listening to music into numb endless scrolling and wasting away trying to escape from the self. As cheesy as it may sound, I don’t “bedrot,” I retire to my chambers for an afternoon of decadent languor, lying on my back and letting my thoughts parade through, bow, and exit, while I do nothing but feel them and release them. Especially on days of hyperactivity and after a lot of puja and being around people, this practice brings me back to drinking up those operatic feelings that come to surface when there's no one around. Sometimes I even do viparita karani for 15-ish mintues to get the blood flowing back to my belly and womb. My favourite book during Covid-19 was My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh because as a chronic overthinker, pitta princess, I was fascinated by the idea of a woman taking the radical decision of doing nothing but sleeping and indulging in the occasional debauchery upon waking up. I highly recommend all women must indulge themselves in this pleasurable fantasy of being an unhinged aristocratic princess who lets her thoughts walk barefoot all over her.

   I also have a languishing playlist I'd like to share with all of you, none of these songs are too stimulating or irritating and flow seamlessly into each other. Just close your curtains and lay down in your softest dress.

5. Swaying Meditation

   If languishing and sitting still does nothing for you to relax, I invite you to try this swaying meditation. On most days, I feel like we're very stiff and very hard on doing something and not really letting our pelvis move. Grab your favourite sacrament, light up a joint and all we want to do is sway. Put on one song that feels like honey in your ears: something slow, a little dramatic, something your hips want to respond to without asking permission. We're not really trying to dance, pump up, or make big shapes, but just sort of melt, become more liquid. You can start slowly with your head and then move down to your shoulders and then to your chest and then your waist. And then let it be a sort of flowing meditation where your entire body sort of is swaying and almost as if like it's turning into water and delicious juice is spilling out of you. You're brimming with that nectar. Imagine you're a Maenad in a Dionysian ritual or a water nymph. Try not to watch yourself and let go of your doubts and feeling 'silly' by taking deep breathes. I prefer you do this at home alone or in a place you find yourself wanting to move. I often go to clubs just to start out dancing and then slowly moving into this phase of tiredness and lusciousness.

   
   

In the end, self-seduction is nothing more and nothing less than learning to hold our own fire and water until they turn to nectar. May these rituals be the way you begin to taste yourself.

Raso Vai Sah (The only true source of bliss is the Self) -Taittiriya Upanishad